The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Ones again, we fight, she wanna go out of the house, she wanna return with her parents, all this for a pairs of wires, she call me to my job, and start to scream to me, she tell me a lot of things ugly things, I don't know if I want to come back home tonight, I don't know what is waiting for me, im afraid to come back, my heart is buried, and broken... I just wanna put end to this, Im not usefull for nothing, for no one, I believe that I'll be better if Im not here any more, anyway, the world don't miss me, the world don't miss the losers, I just hope to remain dead this time, is gonna be easy, I just need the same pills that I use the last time, besides, nobody can find me this time, I just hope that when I dissapear from this world, all the bad things that I made, remaing in the pass, just like me, and hope that nobody remember me...

this last days im feeling something strange thats growing up inside me, I don't know what is going out, I had troubles with my familie for that, my character is changing, im turning in a strange been...

Cain, help me, give me the strange to contain my demons I don't want that they take control over my...

help me ...

Well here I am again, I can't write in past days because I wasn't in my house, and I don't have internet connection, but I'm back...

Actually I was been in the hospital, I suffer of masive headaches, and the doctors don't know whats is the origin of those, plus they make me a few more tests, and they found something unusual, they told me that my metabolism is pretty high, that my body spend calories faster than the normal levels, and thats why I feel that need to eat every moment, but not everything is bad, one of the advantages of this, is that my body healds faster, my blood coagulates faster too, the really bad news is that my body is working at 2 or 3 times more at the normal rate, because of that, my body tireds more than the normal for a people for my age...

Anyway, I guess that even the blood can help me with this, but, I'll be here as long as I can...

and I hope still writing my new adventures, by the way, yesterday was a very cool day, because I went to pick up my brand new car, Im very happy for that... so I guess that my life is not so bad...

I think believe that I found my soul mate, I have a strange feeling about this girl, I know that she is forbbiden because she have somebody else in her heart, I don't know what to do, talking with her I reallize that I love her, we have some special bound... but what can i do ? who can I take off this feeling that tortures my heart, I know that I can live with her, but Cain also know that I can't live with out her...

Strange feeling, what can I do ?

This weekend was a pretty busy, and full of an oppositive feelings, the saturday I have a very nasty fight wiht my wife, I still don't understand why the fight start, I saw how much can I hurt the people, even the people that I love... Im scared because in a few moments, all my angry, my rage, all the demons that live inside me, go out, and they don't distinguish between the people that I love and the people that I don't...

God, I still trying to forget what happen, but is so hard, I even can remember all the things that I say.

Cain, pls forgive me ... I don't know what happen to me... in the Saturday morning everything was so nice...

Im afraid to one day, I do something of which I regrets to me by the rest of my life...

You know, Yesterday I found a very special person, I found a friend that I don't have a see her in years...

That was cool, see her makes me remember of many manu things... I meet her almost 13 years ago, a little description of her, she tall, thin, long and curly and red hair, piercing in ears and eyebrows, I think that's ok to say that in a moment of my life, I was in loved of this girl, she had a tipically Hippies Look, but I don't care, anyway, never happen nothing between us (sadly), we never had a kiss or something like that, we just take us of the hand once in a while, thats was a pretty time... everybody in the school tall us that we are couple or something, because we made everything together...

Well, I don't know who to describe what I felt when I saw her, It was pretty cool, anyway, I have already their telephone numbers and her hotmail account, to contact her...

If I wasn't a married guy, I think that I try to conquer her again...

But I happy marreid and I think that I don't change my wife for nothing in this world...

That suppose that today I have no reason to be working, whoever I am... the crazy guys where think that we are like robots or machines, they think that we don't want to be with our families, maybe because to they don't want them in their houses...

Well the fact is that I am all ready here, meanwhile the rest of the city is confortable resting in their houses... God, I want a hotcakes with a cappucino...

But not everythign is bad, its looks like my luck is finally changing, I hope so... because this last days, they wasn't the best of my life, but yesterday I meet I very special girl in here... here name is Rockdevil... I don't not her face to face yet, but I feel something about her, I don't know something rare... (don't get me wronge)

well the thing is that I dedicate her a poem, I really hope that she likes...

What Im doing here ?, nobody likes me, the people judge me just before at least knowing myself. I hate when I went walking by the street and the people just apart, because you are not like them...

Man, that makes me feel like a piece of hammer shit... in the nights I just have my memories, nothing more, nothing less, I wake up at the middle of the night, asking me why ?... Is the loneliness my eternal parthner ? my soul is dawm, my heart is soo cold, Im nothing more than an undeath... I walk like a living person, but for inside, theres nothign, I don't feel absoluty nothing I'm hollow.

My loneliness is growing up, I know that the life of a vampire is just like this, but theres a moment, when the idea of loneliness became unbearable...

Cain, help me... I need to kill my soul, to get a new one ? ... give that power !!!

Yesterday when I think that nothing can go worse, I faced with a horrible trafic, I spend 3 hours to get my house, this only get my rage increase, I don't want to talk why no body, I just want to be alone, well I supose, that is my destiny, be alone even when Im surrounded by persons...

Any way, yesterday was one of those days that is better forget them, I don't get nothing good, just troubles and dislikes...

I beg Cain for a new and better day...